Staying Alive

 He was the one I had when others had passed away, but he was the gone. He died. He was the one I wanted when my maternal great-grandmother, fraternal grandmother, and fraternal grandfather passed away; I had him to hug and make me laugh. But Pawpaw was the one being put in the ground. He was the one I went to when I needed encouragement, a laugh, or a shoulder to cry on and when he I heard he died, I literally felt my heartbreak. That was my first though my of suicide. 

On October 31st my family and I laid to Pawpaw to rest. I stopped my mind, body, and soul from grieving. I wanted to be the one who was there for my mother, who had last her father. I wanted to be there for my brother, two cousins, who had lost their grandfather. Even though I had also lost someone special to them, I never actually let it show. I fell deeper and deeper into the darkness of my mind. I started self-harming to feel pain and to show myself that I am, at the time, sadly, still alive. That was my second thought of suicide. 

Graduating high school was fun, then came a community college in Alabama. I made some friends and gave my virginity to someone I had no feelings for. I also had my first boyfriend...I think. When we broke up, he had a girlfriend the next day. That was my third thought of suicide:

I was sexually assaulted, in my grandmothers old apartment, the one Pawpaw died in. I knew I shouldn't have answered the door, I knew I shouldn't have let him in. That monster was way taller, but younger, I should have stopped it. But at least it didn't go any further than touching. That was my fourth thought of suicide. 

I confided into my two friends, my only friends. Not much was said. Them and I stopped being friends when I kept canceling plans because the darkness of my mind made me think they actually hate me and those plans seemed so overwhelming. They were the only friends I had, that was my fifth thought of suicide. 

I soon made contact with an old friend, they seemed to try to force me to stop hurting myself. It made me do it more. I turned 21 with that friendship and we soon started drinking. The drinking made me forget pain, so I wanted to do it again and again. And again.... drinking made me think of suicide again. 

With drinking comes feeling bloated and tummy aches. I started making myself throw up. I wished to make myself look like the pretty women with real boobs instead of the pancakes I have. But I still drank, until darkness came over and I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. My friends boyfriend, or whatever, talked me into buying weed. At the time it was illegal in my state, but I obliged because I felt I needed to fit in with them, and I wanted to spend time with a cute guy. We got pulled over. Thankfully we only got a warning. That was the seventh time. 

The eighth time, I felt like shit when my grandmother and I had an argument. It felt as if nothing I do is worth while. And nothing was done correctly. I had the knife to my wrist. When my mother messaged me and at the time my dog walked into the kitchen as I sat in the floor. Her eyes begged me not too, and put up the knife and held her on my lap. 

February 12th, 2021. I became one year clean of self harm and sober. Today (September 07, 2021) when I am writing this, I am going back home from being at the beach. I have made a small support system. Some of them didn't even know all of this I am sharing now. A lot of people didn't know anything I am sharing now. 

You're probably asking "what's your point in this?" My point? It's simple. STAY ALIVE! You have no idea what you mean to people. You make someone's life better in some way, small or big. You matter. Your life matters. Share your story of surviving your worst moments. You are loved. And when you feel like no one cares about you, remember the person who wrote this cares about you. I don't know your name, but if you've read this, I love you, and you matter to me.

6 Urban Legends and One Of Them Might Be True

 Urban legends are always fun to tell in a darkened room with a flashlight or sitting by a campfire. I remember my brother, two cousins, and I doing just that. We would usually end up scaring ourselves. I decided to pick five of my favorite urban legends and research them and I found out that a small town near where I live actually has a combination of two of these urban legends. I'll tell that one as well.

Bloody Mary

Bloody Mary different origins; the first it is said that Mary is Queen Mary I. The second, a witch named Mary Worth. However, no matter how it started it is a well known urban legend. The original ritual was for a young woman to walk up a flight of stairs backwards holding a candle and a hand mirror. She was then supposed to be able to see the face of her future husband. If she were to see a skull or the face of the grim reaper, it was said she was to die before she could marry. 

The ritual I and many others know however, deprives from the Japanese legend of Hanako-san where a student is to go into the girls bathroom, usually the third floors, go into a stall, knock three times, and ask if the spirit was there. What we know is that you stand in front of the bathroom mirror with only candles lighting the room, spin around three times saying "Bloody Mary." No matter which version you try, it still gives chills.

Lady in White

No matter what version of this urban legend you hear, it is basically all the same. The Lady in White is a legend dating back to medieval times, if not earlier. The woman is said to be wearing a white dress and just roaming around where she has supposedly died. Each culture and place has it's own variation of this legend. 

Slender Man

For some reason Slender Man is my favorite urban legend, even if he did begin as a Creepypasta fictional character. He is said to stalk, kidnap, and kill children. As a matter of fact, this fictional character turned urban legend is the reason behind the Waukesha, Wisconsin stabbings. Two 12 year old girls tracked down a classmate and stabbed her multiple times, killing her. They said Slender Man had told them to or he would kill them and their families. 

Body Under the Bed (True)

What would you do if you were staying in a hotel and a body is under the bed? That has actually happened and is what began this urban legend. The urban legend began in 1991 when a couple started to smell something foul when staying in a hotel. The hotel room was searched thoroughly and wouldn't you know it, there was a body underneath the bed. A person was murdered and hidden underneath a hotel room bed! 1991 was not the only year this happened. The newest case was in 2010. The next time you stay at a hotel, make sure you check under the bed.

Disappearing Hitchhiker 

This urban legend has variations, but they're all the same premise. A hitchhiker flags down a vehicle and gets into the empty seat. But before they reach a certain point in the journey the hitchhiker disappears. Some accounts say they have actually dropped the person off at a destination only to look and the passenger has disappeared as soon as they get out of the car.

Quarter Mile Bridge

Sugar Grove, VA

This urban legend may not be known to many around, however, it is one that's close to home...literally. It combines the legends of Lady in White and the Disappearing Hitchhiker. It is said that when you are going from Sugar Grove towards Troutdale there is a woman wearing a wedding dress. She died on her wedding day in a car crash in the middle of winter and the roads were iced. The woman will get into your car whether you pull over to pick her up or not; as long as you have an empty spot for her. 

The quarter mile bridge is actually two bridges. The first one is where the woman will be and before you're able to make it to the second bridge, the woman will disappear. She supposedly died in between the two bridges and that's where her spirit remains.