I've never really seen myself as "fat" until I finally went to the doctor of missed periods. No, I'm not pregnant and I'm also not going to shy away from this conversation any longer. Anyways, after a bunch of tests the doctor finally diagnosed me as having PCOS. I'm not going to talk that, but it leads me to what he said next. He told me it would help if I lost weight. I had known for awhile that I fell under "obese," but after actually hearing it from a doctor I trusted, it really set in.
I got home and it was like an immediate fear and hatred of food. I started skipping breakfast, a lot of times lunch, but when dinner came around, I binge ate. That cycle went on for a few months until something was added. My binge eating makes me feel disgusting and I find myself in the bathroom with my fingers down my throat because of fear and guilt.
I now this is a cycle I need to stop, but the Instagram models and pretty celebrities aren't fat. I find myself scrolling through their feeds even when I say I'm not going to. When I do finally see one that's "fat" the first comments are shaming them. There is not winning when it comes to body image.
The comments always lay heavy on my mind. I know that it doesn't attack me personally, but it does my body type. I'm not saying this for compliments or anything, but I want everyone to be aware of eating disorders and body image comments. It really "weighs" on a person and the more I've looked through comments on peoples' Instagram's, I've noticed that even the skinny, beautiful humans negative body image comments flood in. When will this weight of our weight be lifted? We live in a world where beauty doesn't exist but yet it's fought for.
