The Color We Bleed

The hard fact is that we live in a world that seems to focus on gender, race, religion, weight, and sexuality. An even harder fact is that this world uses it as a valid excuse to hate and tear everyone down. People only seem to use our differences as a negative factor. However, our differences are a positive factor to new opportunities.

If you would look into a persons eyes, I'm sure you would see the different sparks of emotions. Maybe you would see how the light dances like stars when they talk about a favorite movie or book. Maybe that stranger could see how brightly your eyes shine when you talk about your wife, husband, or kids. You could see how your words of hate hurt the person if you would really look into their eyes. After all, the eyes are windows to the soul.

Sit and speak to a person of a different culture or religion. Let their lips tell of their home and ancestors. Listen to their beliefs of many things and their dreams and hopes. Maybe they'll tell you of their talents or show you. Their words may just turn into a beautiful melody in their native tongue.

Allow the hands of a stranger to show you how to create a beautiful piece of artwork. Maybe one you've never seen or heard of before. Pottery decorated in Chinese lettering and scenery or maybe a dream catcher based of Native American stories.

You see, if you open your heart, instead of only your eyes, you'll see that just because we are different, it does not mean that we're not all the same. In midst of learning about them, you may even learn about yourself. You'll also find that we probably all have the same dreams and hopes for the world. Besides, we all bleed red.

Your Hurt Matters, Too

I’ve been told time and time again that “someone has it worse,” “and you think you’ve had it hard,” and my personal favorite, “everyone has depression.” 

It’s true, everyone is hurting, but no one is fighting their minds exactly the way I am. Not everyone stays awake at night imagining a burglar breaking in and killing their dog. Not everyone is terrified of a bathtub not only because of a gory picture they saw, but because they keep imagining themselves sitting in it with a blood covered body or maybe that one day they’ll be in the shower and giant gob of hair comes out of nowhere even though they’ve constantly cleaned the drain and everything else. Not everyone is imagining themselves going over to their parents house on Sunday and walking in and finding their parents brutally murdered. Not everyone imagines a life where their brother doesn’t care JUST because he hasn’t sent a letter back. Not everyone cleans and cleans their home because of the fact they have these thoughts and they feel dirty and gross because of them. 

I know it sounds scary, gory, also ridiculous, right? But “everyone has it hard.” With all that said, here’s a message to you and everyone who’s hurting.

Don’t let anyone tell you that just because someone may have a worse situation, it means that your pain doesn’t matter. Your pain, your hurt, your ideas, thoughts, and everything that makes you who you are does matter. You do matter. 

Everyone is hurting, but nobody’s pain equals yours and yours doesn’t equal their’s. Nobody’s pain is equal to anybody’s because we all handle things differently. What seems to be a small set back to someone is a big one to someone else and vice-versa. Nobody feels things exactly the same way and everyone is fighting an invisible battle no one else knows about. 

So, if someone opens up to you about something they’re dealing with, don’t point out that “everyone’s hurting” and don’t compare a situation of your own because you “handled it better.” They’re not you and you’re not them. The last time I checked, no one can read minds. 

Dear...

Dear Everyone That Grew Up in A Small Town (Marion, Va):

Whether you were best friends, friends, acquaintances, or even if you never talked to the people you went to school with, be so proud of how far all of you have come. After all, you each have our owns paths and you each have your own destiny, however, you all grew up in the same place at the same time. I find it incredible, amazing, and breathtaking to be able to say that I grew up with other people from a small town. All of them. 

Even if some of us never talk again or even if we never talked in the past, we have all shaped each other in some way. And even though, most of us HATED our school years, we all have to admit that we all have some great memories during them. 

Let’s promise that no matter where we are right now and no matter where we end up, we always remember the place we come from. Whether we dislike some of the people, the town, school, or anything else, we have to say that these things, positive or negative, have shaped who we are and what we stand up for. Each of us have created our own lives based on where we’re from. Whether it be we want to move away or learn how to love the place we come from. 

Our lives began with the same small town, but some of them have ended and will need in different places and times, but we are connected with one place. Let’s not forget that. 

Sincerely,

The One That hated this place,

But now knows it’s where her story started. 

Addiction: Choice or Disease

This is touchy subject to many people and everyone has their own stand point. However, I have two stand points. I understand why people often say how it’s a choice, but some of those people also won’t take the time to maybe see how it’s not. I’m not going to try to change your mind on your decision, but I do want to make you aware of mine and maybe give a different point of view. Now, I’m not going to use fancy quotes or doctorly words, but hear me out. 

When someone first does something to either numb the pain or cause pain, that’s when it’s decision, that’s when it’s a choice, but after awhile of making that “choice” it becomes habit. It becomes a way of life so to speak. So here’s my opinion on all of them. 

I’m going to start with cutting. I know many people say how it’s different from other “addictions” but why doesn’t it fall under the same category? When someone first cuts, they make that decision. I made that decision to feel something. Anything. However, after making the “choice” the first few times, I started to black out whenever I’m under stress and I come to with fresh cuts on my body that I have no idea how they got there, so with that said, how did I make the CHOICE, to do that if I didn’t even remember doing it in the first place and all I saw was literally blackness?

That leads me to alcohol. I also have personal experience with this. The first few times, yes, I made that choice to drink to numb my pain. And you can say what you want about how I’ve cut to feel pain, but unless you’re in my mind you will NEVER understand it. Anyways, but again, after awhile, when I became down or upset, I fuzzed out and bought alcohol, drove home, and woke up with a killer hangover. Did I want to? No, I didn’t, it just happened, so again how did I make that a choice?

I can’t say much on drugs because I don’t have that personal experience, but I’ve had a very close friend and I saw him and heard him talk about his fears and struggles with drugs. He’s since moved away because of the pressure and crap to keep doing them. I can’t say whether or not it’s a choice or disease on his part or anyone’s, but if I’ve had that kind of struggle with cutting and alcohol, I can only imagine with drugs. 

So, is addiction a choice or a disease? I don’t actually know. I know what happens when life, pain, emotions become too much to bear. I know how I struggle and before you come at me with “you need God” and all of this other BS, you cannot begin to imagine where I’ve tried to find my healing from this. You cannot imagine how draining it is to be in battle with your own mind day after day, night after night, but that’s a different post. 

Overall, just respect my choice to say how I feel about it and let me learn to heal the way I need to heal. And also, I’m not saying everyone is like my situation because everyone is different, all I want is for some of you to get off your high horses and look at things a different way instead of judging someone for what they’ve done or are doing. You don’t know their inner struggles so you have no right to even question them about it unless you’re trying to show you generally care by trying to understand where their mind is. Thanks for your time.