A Second Chance

Before Pawpaw passed away I had God in my heart even when we weren't going to church. I was raised knowing what it's like walking in faith. That feeling grew when we started attending church every Sunday and Wednesday and even more when I accepted Christ as my savior. The weight of the world was off my shoulders. I was seeing so clearly. However, when I lost Pawpaw, that weight was back even heavier.

As everyone knows by now, I started self harming and eventually turned to alcohol. My back was turned against the light of God. I questioned my faith and questioned that there has to be more. After all, what loving God, loving father, would let His child hurt so much? I still ask this question, but I know the answer. He gives us trials to make us stronger, emotionally, but more importantly spiritually. He doesn't give us anything we can't handle.

As I'm walking down my path in God's light once again, I feel that weight lifting off. I will have my ups and downs, but my faith will remain. I even gave two friends a second chance, but I could hear God speak to me through my emotions and the words that were said, or rather unsaid. Every time I brought God up, I could feel tension and walls being put up. Those walls were on their side. I kept trying, but I got nowhere. I would have talked about God's grace and His word and just how great he is, but their walls kept coming between them and me, so to speak. I made the decision to say goodbye. Not because I don't want to be friends, but because I don't want people around me who I feel will put me back into questioning my faith.

I've seen my life with and without God. I've also seen my life with and "without" people to talk to. Now, I see my life as it truly is and truly should be. It's not a perfect life and I will have struggles, but I have God AND I do have people around me who care and who are here; who are proud of me for fighting my demons, for finding my faith. Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing because I know God gave me MY second chance and I'm not giving that up.